A science lesson for thieves in New York

Ok this he must have opened his eyes. Very little surprises even former New Yorkers, but let’s just say the city has seen better days (1) and avoid it whenever possible. Imagine a scene from The Walking Dead in which most of them are sitting, not walking.

Still, I recently found myself in Manhattan and needed some Tylenol. With approximately 14 CVS and Walgreens stores in each block, it was not difficult to find, but surprisingly difficult to buy. Although Tylenol is mostly useless (2) I found it locked on the shelf and had to press a button to call a store clerk to unlock it. A confused employee replied.

Me: Who the hell would steal Tylenol?

Weakened employee: They steal everything and resell it on the street.

Me: But it doesn’t even work!

Embarrassed employee: (Shrugs)

Well, Tylenol is stolen and resold to people who have a headache and don’t care if it disappears or not. I can live with that. But as a chemist, the following was unacceptable:

It seems that those who run the store and steal from the store could also benefit from a small science lesson. That’s why…

Photo: Dickweed Jones Studios, New York, New York

There’s just no point in locking Tylenol while its generic versions sit there in the wind. Not only are they the same drug, acetaminophen, but it’s not uncommon for brand name manufacturers to make generics as well, so a bottle of a brand name drug may be identical to the brand’s bottle right next to it, except the pill will look different.

Why should Tylenol be stolen while CVS brand acetaminophen is not?

I don’t know, but it’s obviously unfair for the Tylenol bottle to be securely locked while its generic equivalent is terribly unprotected. If this is not a case of overt antigenerism, I do not know what is.

Bad science leads to a bad economy

Let’s look at the consequences of antigenerism. They are deep.

  1. CVS is involved, perhaps unintentionally, in unscientific marketing. The company must implement a security protocol based on API (active pharmaceutical ingredient) by locking or unlocking both bottles. In its absence, they send a message that their brand in the store is somehow lower than the Tylenol brand, when in fact both are equally useless, although Tylenol costs 21% more than its generic counterparts.
  2. Shoplifters have also been misled. Although it’s much easier to get out of the CVS brand’s acetaminophen store, they, just like non-shoplifters, have been brainwashed into believing in the fake superiority of Johnson & Johnson’s product. Instead, they need to grab a balanced portfolio of drugs for both the store and the brand. It is only correct.
  3. In the same way, those who make up the secondary market (by being polite here) and buying things on the street should not pay more than 21% due to pharmaceutical naivety.
  4. Finally, it should be noted that the price of margarine has increased by 20.2% during last year. Is this just a coincidence? Hmm No, this is a conspiracy! I will consult with Marjorie Taylor Green on this matter. It seems to be a good source for fact-checking, and is likely to return to action after her analysis of the Peach Tree Artificial Meat.

It’s not just Tylenol

Anti-generics existed throughout the store. But at least this discrimination was applied equally to different parts of the body, upper, lower and middle …

Upper part

The branded toothpaste was similarly closed, while the CVS brand was not.

from below

The same “slippery science” was found in the personal lubrication trail.


Finally a draw!

Despite the emergence of API equality in the pathway of gastrointestinal distress, this was actually extraordinary. The same antigenicity is present for Pepcid (locked) and famotidine (generic, unlocked). (Photo not shown.) At the very least, CVS has shown corporate social responsibility by saving people with explosive diarrhea the humiliation of waiting for a confused employee to unlock Imodium.

The fact that this product is unlocked is more ironic, because in 2018 the idiots in the FDA considered limiting it to the sales behind the counters, because something like two people on earth abused it. Not surprisingly, I let them have it for that (see Runs On Imodium Before FDA Clamps Down).

I didn’t steal Tylenol. But I stole a piano.

New York (especially Manhattan) decided that theft was not such a big deal, hence the locked personal belongings. I will leave it to sociologists and criminologists to decide whether this has something to do with the Tylenol lock or not. Thinking big, I thought, “Why not get involved?” Indeed, if Tylenol, bags, and sneakers are ready, why not the Steinway grand piano. I’ve always wanted one!

Luckily, my trusted ACSH colleagues realized that I probably couldn’t handle Steinway alone (£ 990), so they came to my rescue with the luxury ACSH staff car! (In great teams, teammates always overlap.)

The ACSH luxury team to help! (Left, Cameron “Spit Up” English, center, Dr. Charles “Chuckie D.” Dienerstein, right, Tom “Mr. Casino” Pigeon. Photo: Peter Kratochville, Public Domain Pictures

Things are starting well. They even found a parking space right in front of the showroom!

Photo loans; Flickr, Wikimedia Commons

And the theft of the piano was not so bad …

We had a little trouble going out with the piano. Feel free to ask Dr. Dienerstein why he has two spines. He is the surgeon. Photos: Wikipedia, Wikimedia Commons

Things are coming back quickly

When we went out …

oh oh The car was stolen. Welcome to New York.


(1) The word that comes to mind rhymes with “spit bowl”. Let’s leave it at that.

(2) Tylenol itself is essentially useless. There is some benefit when combined with NSAIDs or opioids (if you can get them).

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