Samantha Fisher faces mental health challenges throughout her life.
“I think I’ve always had strong feelings all along,” said Fisher, who as a child in Brattleboro ran around the house and banged her head against the walls because she couldn’t find the words to express herself. “They never left. I dealt with problems getting angry all the time. “
Fisher, now 23, said she still faces mental health challenges but is in a better position. She also wants to help other young people who may be going through similar problems.
That’s why she participated in “Hiding Outdoors: Mental Illness of Youth.” The two-part film, directed by executive producer and renowned documentary filmmaker Ken Burns, features more than 20 young people from across America living with mental health challenges.
“Hiding Outdoors” airs on Monday, June 27 and Tuesday, June 28 on PBS.
“I hope it will open the conversation about mental health and start removing the stigma around it,” Fisher said of the film. “I hope that makes people understand their value, no matter what they go through, and that they deserve kindness and compassion.”
Changing her thinking
Fisher dealt with anger even before her parents divorced, but said it only worsened her anger. In 9th grade, Fisher said, she was sexually abused and had to sit in her high school class against her attacker.
“My anger stopped manifesting as anger and began to manifest as” We can never leave the house, we can never trust anyone, “Fisher said. She stopped going to school and went in and out of Brattleboro Retreat Mental Hospital.
Fisher planned an assassination attempt on her life in early 2018, she said, but her mother understood and stopped her. Fisher spent several months on the Brattleboro Retreat outpatient program, known as Birches, and visited a therapist twice a week.
“I would say that my mental health is still the same. The only thing that has changed strangely is my thinking about it, “Fisher said. “I came to treat myself with more kindness and compassion.”
Before she received the help she needed, she had trouble finding someone to talk to about her mental health challenges. One person she turned to was Ricky Davidson, who, when Fisher was a teenager, worked at the boys ‘and girls’ club in Brattleboro, where she often went out. Davidson knew one of the writers working on Hiding Outdoors and asked Fisher if she would share her story about the project.
“If Ricky tells me to show up, I’ll show up, I’ll be there,” Fisher said. “I’ve never been ashamed to talk about my mental health.”
The film coincides with the effects of COVID-19
Davidson, 54, is now a counselor to help students at Brotherborough Union High School. In his youth, he said, he struggled with depression, anxiety and substance abuse. He entered the field of counseling because he wanted to be the adult who felt he had not been there for him in his youth.
Like Fisher, Davidson starred in Hiding Outdoors. He hopes that the message that viewers receive from the film is the importance of communication. He wants “no stigma related to mental health needs so that young people feel they have someone to talk to,” he said, “and someone to talk to who responds in a way that is helpful and supportive. “
Most of the “Hiding Outdoors” was done before the isolation that began with the COVID-19 pandemic in early 2020. Mental health experts say the effects of the pandemic exacerbate the challenges many young people are already facing.
“I think the weather is almost cosmic,” Fisher said of Hide in the Eyes, as the discussion of these new challenges grows.
According to Davidson, the film touches on the impact of COVID on the mental health of young people. He said some young people whose years of formation have spent trying to make connections on a computer screen have trouble connecting to a real classroom or hallway where they can’t just turn off the camera to escape an awkward situation. He said he had seen these frustrations manifest in heightened arguments, threats and physical altercations.
“Even though we had problems to deal with and young people struggled, it got worse because of COVID, and we need to realize that,” Davidson said.
“Girl from Vermont in your heart”
Davidson said “Hiding in the open” is important because young people make themselves vulnerable by telling their painful stories and also giving them the opportunity to hear those stories. This allows adults to not only hear, but also listen to what young people have to say in the film, according to Davidson.
“I feel like this is a really important film for people to see and understand,” he said.
Fisher continues to deal with his mental health problems. She can’t live alone because she will probably forget to eat. “I’d rather be alone than lonely,” Fisher said.
She moved to Amarillo, Texas to live with her sister, although it was painful for her to leave her home state. “I’m a Vermont girl at heart and I’m going to die like a Vermont girl at heart,” Fisher said.
Although still finding his way, Fisher has a positive story to tell about his journey to mental health. She works full time as an assistant teacher for young children at a Montessori school. She is studying child psychology online through Southern New Hampshire University because she wants to become a child counselor.
“I never thought I could do it, but I had some experience at the time,” Fisher said. “I can put aside my little worries if it will help the children to unravel their thoughts.”
If you watch
WHAT: “Hiding Outdoors: Juvenile Mental Illness”
WHEN: 9 pm Monday, June 27 and Tuesday, June 28
WHERE: PBS
INFORMATION: www.pbs.org
Contact Brent Hallenbeck at [email protected] Follow Brent on Twitter at www.twitter.com/BrentHallenbeck